HOPE OR FAITH

I know I've been alone

You've been gone for far too long

After all that we've been through

I miss you and I know you miss me too.

I will never let it show

The pain I've grown to know

Because with all these things we do

It don’t matter when I’m coming back to you

Your words have kept me warm

It helped me through the storm

I've waited so long just to come and hold you

Because my heart is always with you

I pray that hope won’t die

I can’t live another day in disguise

These feelings can’t be right

Lend me your courage and fight for us tonight

Nobody tells me all the reason we’re here

I have my weapon, there is nothing to fear

Memories won’t let you cry

Unless I don’t return tonight

Now I really can’t find happiness

It is lost somewhere along in the bitterness

Did I go wrong and lost my friend?

The only thing that I am trying to defend

Maybe you’re not mine and I won’t be sad

But please and always do remember that,

You have the heart of a pearl,

Be the change you want to see in the world.

-M.S-

CURSE OF FRIENDSHIP

Day by day past away

Not getting better I would say

As time slowly goes by

Everything seems to be a lie.

It’s hard to define my feelings

Inside my heart is loudly screaming

I won’t and never question why

Because a part of me had die

Insecure, depression, aggression,

Contain them through my passion

Another knock by the door,

Seriously, I can’t take this anymore.

Slowly I’ve tried to understand this

But certain things that I can’t release

Hide my feelings to satisfy others

Because I treated them like my brothers

When things suddenly gets worst

All I expect is the support from others

A knife in the back really kills

Rather commit suicide with some pills

To bear the thought of getting stab in the back

Never occur my brothers would do that

I've trusted them with my full heart

After all we've been through, this is what I get.

Music calms me down lately

To contain my emotions that is very deadly

Isolate my emotions and feelings aside

In order to have respect and keep my pride

It really hurts when the closest person stabs you

But that is life and still has to continue

I've accept the things that he has done

Hide my feelings until it’s gone

The thing I learn in life is to have respect

In friendship, have respect and no regret

That is what makes the relationship happy

Never spoil it with the presence of a third party

It is not the first time you've done that to me

Don’t spoil our relationship in this way that I see

Maybe you would say it’s very stupid to think that way

Think back; think hard or I’ll walk away

Try to think straight and move on

But I can’t because I’m worried about our bond

Never break our bonding with a third party

You’ll regret it and won’t be happy

In time, I need some time alone

I’ll be away and you won’t notice I’m gone

Seriously, I’m sad it turns out this way

Forgive me that I have to walk away

Loneliness is a curse for me

Nevertheless I’m trying to find who I would be

In God I would seek my inner peace

Until all of my stress are released

I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed

Just because of your attitude that you have pointed

Don’t care to ask or apologize to me

Because forgiveness it’s not from me but from you it will be

The point is that I really need my inner peace

I thought you can help me at least

I was wrong and expect to high

And now my feelings just die

In stress and depression I hide myself

The only thing I've felt is pain

But one thing for sure to remind myself

There’s always rainbow after the heavy rain

-M.S-

IF I DIED TOMORROW

If I died tomorrow,

Would you even care?

Would you miss the way I smile?

Or the smell of my hair?

If I died tomorrow,

Would you really miss me?

Would you miss the time we talked?

Or every time you kissed me?

If I died tomorrow,

Would you be to blame?

Would you come to the funeral?

And hang your head in shame?

If I died tomorrow,

Is there anything you want to say?

Maybe that you love me?

And want me to stay?

If I died tomorrow. :’)

-M.S-

23rd DECEMBER 2011

This is the date for my biggest day.

My operation day and my very own birthday,

Can I make my very own way?

The answer is definitely today.

I’m well prepared for the operation.

It is really not my decision.

I have to put negative thoughts aside especially depression.

I have to because I seriously can’t accept this rejection.

After 3 hours, everything is done.

And I am still my parent’s son.

The thing that kept me going is my love ones.

I just hope that they won’t run.

Celebrating my 19^th birthday in this situation was never as planned.

All I need is a helping hand.

And not to be left drowning in the sand,

It’s all luck with my white jersey lucky number ten.

Birthday or another day seems similar to me.

It is never been special as it can be.

I always know and always see.

Feels like being left alone in the middle of the sea.

Feelings of my own are something that I can’t deal.

It is not a lie and this is all real.

Because I am the only person who knows how I feel.

Anyway I just want to end this and wish “Happy Birthday Micheal Scofield”.  :’)

23/12/1992 – 23/12/2011 (19 YEARS AND STILL COUNTING)

* Happy birthday bro. takecare. Make sure you succeed in life and never let people pull you down. I know you’re on your own in this world. Always have faith in yourself. Be the change you want to see in the world.

-M.S-

CRITICAL MOMENT

It is matter of time for me to know the result.

It is very hard for me to receive an insult.

I really have no one to consult.

It has always been my fault.

To manage things now is really hard for me.

To fake a smile every day I can be.

The happiness in my life just fades away.

Just to think how to survive another day.

My family is falling apart.

My hands are frozen and I just stood by.

I have lost my heart.

Should I care? Why should i?

I’m not strong enough for all this.

Tomorrow is just a gift from Allah for me to strive.

Counting days is my own way to find peace.

Every minute I’m trying to survive.

Things are getting worse and way out of my hand.

I don’t know how much time I could stand.

I am just trying to find the perfect land.

For all this to just ends.

Now is just matter of time and there I stand.

Support from my love ones, I would like to see.

And there she appear and lend me a helping hand.

Although I thought she’s the last person to help me.

I need strength in order to succeed.

I also need a plan in order to proceed.

I need answers for all this.

God please help me, please.

I will always have faith in my intuition.

I will also have faith in all of my decisions.

I need to be strong to survive.

And I know I should strive.

-M.S-

TENGKU SURAYA HANI

It has been 4 years and it feels so long.

Our friendship is always strong.

I remember the first time I spoke to her.

She scolds me because I make fun of her.

Time passes by and still getting faster.

She treats me like her own brother.

I couldn’t forget how she scolds me because I make fun of the teacher.

She seriously sounded like my mother.

I really thankful to have a caring friend like you,

A great friend, sister, “mother” and I love you.

On this very beautiful and lovely Saturday,

I just want to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY 19^TH BIRTHDAY TENGKU SURAYA HANI. :)

*dah tua dah pon you. HAHA. Have a great day and enjoy your bday sue.

Happy bday sue sue!! <3

(rifdirazmi) ;)

-M.S-

IN FEAR COMES COURAGE

Fear,

A word that show weakness,

A word that can make us lifeless.

Fear,

Fear to lose friends,

Fear to survive,

Fear to strive,

Fear to love,

Fear to be heart broken,

Fear to trust.

Fear,

A lot of things that we fear,

But does it occur in our mind to be courage.

It is not wrong to be fear.

But in fear comes courage.

Courage,

A word that shows bravery,

It will not make us slavery,

It makes us fearless,

It also won’t make you lifeless.

Courage,

Never fear for anything,

Never back down,

Never feel lifeless,

Never feel heartless,

Never stop to strive,

Never stop to survive.

Courage,

With courage we will never feel fear.

Always fight fear that we hear.

Never afraid to be fear and rage,

Because in fear there will always courage.

-M.S-