23rd DECEMBER 2011

This is the date for my biggest day.

My operation day and my very own birthday,

Can I make my very own way?

The answer is definitely today.

I’m well prepared for the operation.

It is really not my decision.

I have to put negative thoughts aside especially depression.

I have to because I seriously can’t accept this rejection.

After 3 hours, everything is done.

And I am still my parent’s son.

The thing that kept me going is my love ones.

I just hope that they won’t run.

Celebrating my 19^th birthday in this situation was never as planned.

All I need is a helping hand.

And not to be left drowning in the sand,

It’s all luck with my white jersey lucky number ten.

Birthday or another day seems similar to me.

It is never been special as it can be.

I always know and always see.

Feels like being left alone in the middle of the sea.

Feelings of my own are something that I can’t deal.

It is not a lie and this is all real.

Because I am the only person who knows how I feel.

Anyway I just want to end this and wish “Happy Birthday Micheal Scofield”.  :’)

23/12/1992 – 23/12/2011 (19 YEARS AND STILL COUNTING)

* Happy birthday bro. takecare. Make sure you succeed in life and never let people pull you down. I know you’re on your own in this world. Always have faith in yourself. Be the change you want to see in the world.

-M.S-

CRITICAL MOMENT

It is matter of time for me to know the result.

It is very hard for me to receive an insult.

I really have no one to consult.

It has always been my fault.

To manage things now is really hard for me.

To fake a smile every day I can be.

The happiness in my life just fades away.

Just to think how to survive another day.

My family is falling apart.

My hands are frozen and I just stood by.

I have lost my heart.

Should I care? Why should i?

I’m not strong enough for all this.

Tomorrow is just a gift from Allah for me to strive.

Counting days is my own way to find peace.

Every minute I’m trying to survive.

Things are getting worse and way out of my hand.

I don’t know how much time I could stand.

I am just trying to find the perfect land.

For all this to just ends.

Now is just matter of time and there I stand.

Support from my love ones, I would like to see.

And there she appear and lend me a helping hand.

Although I thought she’s the last person to help me.

I need strength in order to succeed.

I also need a plan in order to proceed.

I need answers for all this.

God please help me, please.

I will always have faith in my intuition.

I will also have faith in all of my decisions.

I need to be strong to survive.

And I know I should strive.

-M.S-

TENGKU SURAYA HANI

It has been 4 years and it feels so long.

Our friendship is always strong.

I remember the first time I spoke to her.

She scolds me because I make fun of her.

Time passes by and still getting faster.

She treats me like her own brother.

I couldn’t forget how she scolds me because I make fun of the teacher.

She seriously sounded like my mother.

I really thankful to have a caring friend like you,

A great friend, sister, “mother” and I love you.

On this very beautiful and lovely Saturday,

I just want to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY 19^TH BIRTHDAY TENGKU SURAYA HANI. :)

*dah tua dah pon you. HAHA. Have a great day and enjoy your bday sue.

Happy bday sue sue!! <3

(rifdirazmi) ;)

-M.S-

IN FEAR COMES COURAGE

Fear,

A word that show weakness,

A word that can make us lifeless.

Fear,

Fear to lose friends,

Fear to survive,

Fear to strive,

Fear to love,

Fear to be heart broken,

Fear to trust.

Fear,

A lot of things that we fear,

But does it occur in our mind to be courage.

It is not wrong to be fear.

But in fear comes courage.

Courage,

A word that shows bravery,

It will not make us slavery,

It makes us fearless,

It also won’t make you lifeless.

Courage,

Never fear for anything,

Never back down,

Never feel lifeless,

Never feel heartless,

Never stop to strive,

Never stop to survive.

Courage,

With courage we will never feel fear.

Always fight fear that we hear.

Never afraid to be fear and rage,

Because in fear there will always courage.

-M.S-

A SPECIAL PERSON

In everybody’s life, there is a special person.

A person that care for you with so many reason,

A person that will always keep you out from sorrow,

And a person which is worth fighting for.

A person that;

Trust you,

Care for you,

Loves you,

Would do anything for you,

Never put you down,

Cheer you up,

Motivates you,

Support you,

And would even die for you.

A person that we should respect,

Because this is a person that is hard to get,

A person that can never be replace,

And for a thousand years, you can’t and won’t forget this person’s face.

Sometimes you feel very annoy,

And you think this person treats you like a baby boy.

Every word this person says is just only for your own good,

Take it positively and don’t make this person like a wood.

We have a thousand reasons to love this person.

But this person loves you for only one reason.

You must be wonder who might be the person and I would say “it is HER”.

Your one and only mother. 

I LOVE YOU MOTHER (N.D)         :’)

-M.S-

DARK SECRET

A dark secret I keep to myself for 7 years.

A secret I wish no one could hear.

But it is hard for me to keep by myself.

For 7 years I hold it and enough is enough.

In those dark times, I can feel the heavy burden.

A burden that I took with no reason,

It is my responsibility to my family.

Just to make sure that they will always happy.

All of my problems always pull me down.

A dark secret that sure to make me drown,

These problems make me lose a lot of friends which I love,

And not to forget a special person that I love.

People around me don’t believe all of my problems.

It is never in my thoughts that I would blame them.

For them, it is too young for me to face it and try.

For 7 years I face and that is a fact I couldn’t lie.

I sacrifice a lot to help my family.

It is my pride and not to forget my dignity.

When I sit alone and thinking, tears just fell.

I’m not strong enough to tell.

Just a little bit of my dark secret that I hold.

A secret that I would like to fold,

I tried so hard to explain and it is like drowning in the sand.

I won’t try harder because I know people won’t understand.

-M.S-

FRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS

Some people have only friends.

And some people have only girlfriends.

The question is why they don’t pick both.

They are confuse and don’t know which one is worth.

A girlfriend is someone that loves you temporarily,

That is because they always make you lively.

They accompany you when you feel lonely.

They also can move on very rapidly.

A story about friends that I love to tell,

They were always by your side when you fell.

They completely understand you.

Solve your problems that put you through.

When your car broke down and you were stuck in the highway.

You called your girlfriend and tell about your day.

Only words came out from her to comfort you.

But she was never there for you.

The same situation but involves friends.

I’m so sure and I know how this ends.

The minute I called and they were on their way.

They were really helpful and made my day.

This is what compares most between friends and girlfriends,

That is because with friends you will never find dead ends.

They were always by your side no matter what.

Friends will always understand your heart.

- M.S -

PAIN, PAIN AND PAIN

Meningitis, viral and bacterial meningitis is one kind of rare disease.

And it is definitely not as same as bronchitis.

Infection of the fluid that surrounds the brain,

No wonder I always felt the pain.

It is still very hard to understand the disease terms.

One thing for sure I have the symptoms.

Although Dr. said that I am only in the early stage.

Whatever it is prevention had to be made.

Back pain, nausea and high fever are just like ever.

The pain I suffers is just like forever.

A secret I kept to the people around me.

Just to make sure that they won’t worry.

I had to be strong and I know I’m not weak.

Dr. gave me a number of antibiotics.

Treatments of vaccines just to keep me survive.

I know and I believe I should strive.

Now I feel less pain than before.

I just feel that I’m opening a new door.

A door that will lead me to a better life.

Thank God that I survive.

:’)

- M.S -

THE FIRST POEM

Baby, you’re the sun, you’re the only one.

You’re the wine and you’re mine.

My heart is blue; my heart is true for you.

I look like a fool but you still look beautiful.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the sky?

Let me lessen your pain, from my heart and vein.

Even though the star and moon is bright and you’re still my moonlight.

Although you went far away my soul mate,

I will patiently wait.

The ocean may be deep and far.

I will always follow wherever you are.

Even though you have short hair, you still look fair.

The sky may be blue at day and dark at night.

I will always be your shining knight.

If you’re hurt by an enemy with a quite number,

I’ll protect you with my shining armor.

We cry and we fall, with you I feel nothing at all.

When I look at your face daily, you just look like a little baby.

Heart break and paper shred, with you my heart will never be sad.

Table, paper, book and chair, for you I always care.

I was crazy and unwise.

But with your love I become wise.

I love you with all my heart.

Please accept me with your true heart.

Trees and soil rely on each other.

So do us when we’re together.

Written by R.R (16/08/2008)

-M.S-

cont.. (STORY OF MY LIFE)

I’ve been ups and downs through my working days.

To help my family is my main priority I would say.

Solve my own problems in my own very way.

I still kept smiling in every single day.

Receive an offer to further my studies.

When to Kedah and left my buddies.

I went there to pursue my dream to become an Engineer.

Get well motivated and overcome my fear.

I took the challenge to enter foundation.

I never doubt of making this decision.

To become an engineer it is just an inception.

I still believe that I can conquer the profession.

After foundation, a lot of problems that I face.

Financial problems are one of the phases.

My vision suddenly turns into a haze.

Only god knows my life is just like a maze.

During my fall times, a lot of people helped.

I never forget them because I’m in their debts.

Everyone look down on me and I know I’m poor.

But when they cry for help, I’m there for sure.

Day and night I am struggling with my life.

I’m just like a bee without a hive.

I really need oxygen to revive.

Just want to take all of my problems and just dive.

A lot of family problems and I can’t study.

I’m taking degree now is it risky?

Final exam is just around the corner and am I ready?

I really need something to become really steady.

I met a few friends that I’m proud to call brothers already.

P, A, K, and N do really make me more lively.

Quite a long time I didn’t taste the feel of a family.

Their presence really makes me happy.

This story started from the day I was born until now.

There’s a full stop in everything and I would like to take a bow.

In the age of 19 I carried a lot of responsibility.

Maybe that is just one of my special ability.

My shoulder is heavy with people and my own burden.

I still carry it without asking in return.

Honest to say I’m not an ordinary 19 year old.

Reason for that is because I have great heart, mind and soul.

This is all from my personal experience that I gain.

Started through love, happy, sad, pain and vain.

This is the journey that I survive.

I’m R.R and this is the story of my life.

-M.S-

STORY OF MY LIFE

My life is smooth and perfect just like grease.

I’m a 19 year old that just loves peace.

I’ve gone through a lot of problems and still holding the keys.

My name is R.R and I’m well very please.

From the day I was born until I turn 15 it seems very well.

But when I hit 16, it turns very swell.

People thought my life is as easy as ringing the bell.

The fact is my life is just like living in a cell.

Family problems and financial problems is just a daily routine.

My percentage of survival is always thin.

It is just like a shark without its fin.

Or am I just lucky to survive this scene.

Face my SPM with this problems isn’t good.

Whatever it is, it must be done and it should.

With or without help, I’ll know I would.

Just to be an example for my brothers and not a wood.

Everyone that I’ve known always condemned me.

Including teachers, friends and also my family.

The thing that drives me to proceed is my brother, Hadri.

He is the only person that knows how to motivate me.

I’m a smart student and that is what I see.

Face my SPM is like being left alone in the sea.

I still manage to get 4 A’s, 5 B’s and 2 C’s.

Many can’t believe I can do it and I’m still proud of me.

After SPM, I search a job to earn.

Any job would suits me and for sure I will not turn.

It is really hard and feels like my heart is being burn.

All that matters is my family and that is what I learn.

To be continue…

-M.S-

HONEST MAN AND HIS HYPOCRITE LOVER

The first time we met, I never thought that you’ll be mine.

I was really deaf and also pretty blind.

Too many hints and I still can’t see the signs.

At last I saw it and returned it in kind.

I took you to become my assistant to help me assist.

That is one decision that sure you can’t resist.

You accept my offer and I’m very pleased.

I close the deal and returned it with a kiss.

A lot of problems occurred but you’re still strong by my side.

You always protect for the love we fight.

I always believe that you’re right.

I promise to myself that I’ll never let you out of my sight.

We’ve been for 7 months and things getting rough.

It is hard for me and its getting tough.

All the promises you made seem to becoming a bluff.

I’m just a person that his love is being cuff.

The truth you always defy.

And there is some I can’t deny.

Words came out from you is just lies.

And that is how you disguise.

I’ve should know from the start that is just a conspiracy.

From the bottom of your heart, you’re just the master of hypocrisy

I gave you my heart and beg for mercy.

You just smile and just leave me.

All these promises and words you put it through.

I believe that you love me, sure I do.

I gave everything including my heart to you.

Left me for no reason, that is just you.

For 3 months I suffer from depression.

You show no mercy but pure aggression.

I was dumb to believe you make the acceptation

I totally regret for this cold-blood rejection.

Now I realize all of my mistakes.

For putting our love at stakes.

For you to leave me is just piece a cake.

For me is like my heart getting rake.

Just to be sure that your life would be better.

I finally found out that a person just enters.

I can see the smile on you that never shatter.

I’m happy for you and very much flatter.

Now that you’re on your own.

I’m still the guy that you’ve ever known.

Just want to let you know a thing or two.

That I am always there for you.

Last chapter of our love is buried in a grave.

I never believe that and I’m still brave.

All of the things that you have gave.

I’ll cherish it and for sure I save.

Although you broke our love just like pulling a lever.

The love that fade and I would say never.

You can say anything or what so ever.

But my love for you is just eternally forever.

- M . S -